One millennium passed by in the blink of an eye. And to tell the truth, I have been so busy to realize that an epoch has come to an end. I don't call myself an intellectual but I read anything that tells about women. When I read the articles that profusely bespeak about injustice and discrimination perpetrated against them, my blood starts to boil because these things scare me and wrap me in wrath .

We the Nepali women have been dominated by men in every arena. We are being taken for granted at home, at work place and we have to tolerate eve-teasing on the buses and roads. We have been confined to a cage, an invisible cage. Sometimes it appears that some women view these cages as protective pickets, others as a prison. Some of them accept this as their destiny, while some other with some guts venture to step out. Those few women who are bold enough to step out are taking up the cause for those who are reeling under men's domination. Sometimes I feel pathetic for those women who are born in rural areas.

When cases are galore that women in the cities are facing the violence and other problems what could be the situation of the women in the rural areas? The very idea of the insurmountable problems being faced by the rural women jars on me. Not only that we have been dominated by the males but at times the domination of women against their own sex is unspeakable. Atrocious mother in laws are a perfect example. We feel pangs of empathy when we hear our sister's travails. It is just that we are caught up in the maze of our own survival where we cannot spare much time to help others: even if we try to do so, other wouldn't allow to do so.

Maya (actual name and address not disclosed) knew total isolation. She was a victim of horrifying abuse. She managed to leave her husband after spending four traumatic years. She was at first married with Sailesh (name changed) who was wonderful and appeared very loving. She recalls that her husband beat her time and again but the worst was that he even did not stop beating her when she was pregnant.

Narrating the story she says "once my cousin brother had come to visit us. Since my husband wasn't at home, I invited him to have a cup of tea. When my husband came home I mentioned him about the visit of the cousin but my husband started hitting me with a belt and pulled my hair. He even punched me in my face and started kicking me wherever he liked. After that I only resisted and just curled up, worried at the thought that his blows might be fatal to the baby inside my womb. But he continued raining blows on my back. He shouted: " I don't want you to open my door to any males, not even your brother when I am not around the house." Following that day his cruelty against me grew in intensity. "Even small arguments were enough to start a fight. Worst of all, he used to abuse me with all hurting words in front of my children. Bold and resolved, Maya planned to take her children with her and leave the man alone. So much had the man tormented and tortured her that she eventually filed a case of abuse against the so called husband.

Now she has set up a small but happy home. Though her hopes of happiness have been shattered, with glowing eyes she says hopes of a safer and happy life have started rekindling. Forgetting her bitter past, she says she wants to provide the best possible care and love to her children and send them to good schools and colleges.

A woman finds no support from her in-laws at the time of crisis. The case of Sheila is also no less heart rendering. Although married to an influential man, it did not take long for Sheila to realize that her conjugal life is not going to last smoothly. "One day, when I was cooking food, my husband came in and tasted the curry but before I could ask him how it tasted he poured the whole hot cauldron on me. With burns in the skin and bruises at heart I reported it to my mother-in-law," she said. Hopes of getting sympathy went to dust when she asked Sheila to go to the doctor, If she was hurt. Even her mother did not take Sheila's case seriously, rather she cautioned her against making a mountain out of a mole hill. "If a woman doesn't understand a woman's problem, who else would? What is the meaning of the vermilion I had put on my head and the seven oaths my husband and I had taken together going round the holy fire with the God as witness to our vows? Was it simply a formality to show the world that I am married to a man my parents had chosen for me?" She asks.

Out of severe frustration she felt like committing suicide on several occasions but controlled herself with the realization that if women like her are to survive in this society, they need to be bolder than ever and face up to the challenges; resigning to troubles will be of no help.

Roshani (actual name not disclosed) has her own story to tell. She was a daughter of a very rich businessman married to an influential man of her parents choice. Her married life saw no problem until the day she learnt that her husband was keeping a mistress. "When I asked him about his concubine, he beat me black and blue. And I had to have my back X-rayed. My mother-in-law was quite conciliatory about her son's behavior. I called up my parents but my father had his own 'worry' that the family reputation would be tarnished, if my marriage failed for whatever reason," she said, quoting her father as saying "Telling your problems to others will not heal the wound but only aggravate the problem."

After enduring pains and sufferings for a little longer she saw a light at the end of the tunnel when she met Nigel, her one time college mate. Though younger in age he was caring and compassionate. "When he came to know I was living on the edge he was ready to even leave the country for my sake," She said. "We left our country and families and managed to go to the U. S.. When I gave a call back home after sometime, my father was simply fretting. He sounded like saying that I had committed a crime."

"If we want our voice to be heard, we have to fight against the injustice and always hold our heads high no matter what difficulties may come by. It is imperative that we come out of the dark alleys that we have built within ourselves, build self-confidence and raise our voices in unison," she observed.

Despite the fact that a woman plays a vital role in the family and in every sector of life, if they are given the opportunity, why does she stay suppressed and remain a silent spectator to physical and mental abuses? Why doesn't she live for herself and speak out for her rights? It is courage that conquers everything. It is high time for women to come out of the cocoon and struggles for their rights.

Maya and Roshani are now imparting awareness on women rights and toiling day and night to ensure that other women would not have to face the same harrowing experience they underwent after getting married to the wrong men. Marriage obviously is one of the most important events of one's life. The two women are now working for the cause of women and say the following tips should be taken into account before one thinks of marrying:

1. When you meet your would-be-husband, ask him whether he had any broken relationship with his girlfriend in the past.

2. Try to also find out about his relationship with his mother and father. Does he come from a broken family or does/did his father abuse his mother ?

3. Does he have a short temper? What does he do when he gets angry? Does he throw things?

4. Is he of very possessive nature? Does he seem to care for you too much? And anyway, there is a 5. difference between caring and controlling. So try to find out in which category he belongs to.

6. Don't feel guilty if you are battered. Always remember that you are not responsible for another person's

7. violent behavior. So never underestimate the power of love.

8. Don't let yourself be isolated. Someone you are closer to should know about the abuses you are facing.

9. If you can take pictures or document things in a secret diary, do it. Without evidence, it will be easy for him to deny abuse and the proofs help in the court as well because these things happen behind closed doors.

10. Always trust your sixth sense and your will power because they warn you if danger is coming up and if you feel or know that you are in danger. You know your spouse better than anyone else.

11. Plan for your own safety. If you don't, no one will. You can do it by using a simple code so

12. that your friends or your neighbors know that you are in danger.

13. Remember that when violence begins, it is usually in the kitchen (notice that there are sharp things that can be used as weapons).

14. When you and your spouse are fighting, don't let your children come between you two or go near the children in a violent outburst because they might get caught in-between and could be a victim.