Along with women in the west, Nepalese women also have stepped into the twenty first century, but only according to the calendar. Though women in urban areas have seen significant changes in their life and even though women in the villages see the changes in positive light, all of them still suffer several kinds of social injustice.

They are tolerating such injustice believing that the attitude of society can’t be changed, overnight. For instance, women who dare to live an independent life, according to their wishes, still face the immense risk of becoming social outcasts in rural areas. They have to accept the society’s “sick attitude.” “What’s harm in living alone or remarrying?” query women in Khajura - Nepalgunj, Tansen - Palpa and Kathmandu.

Dal Bir Singh Thapa’s wife died in November last year but he did not change his clothes as would a widow have normally done—avoiding colourful costumes and jewelry, nor did he remain alone for long mourning his wife’s death. The reason: His relatives greatly sympathised with him since he had lost his wife at “a very early age of 51”. “They did not even lag behind in advising him to get married again well before the mourning period was over. Thanks to the society, he decided “he needed a wife to serve him, to do his household chores.”

Now he is regarded as a wise person as he remarried a 30 year-old woman just two months after his first wife’s death. “Poor Thapa! It’s good, now that he has got married. After all, he needed a wife to cook, wash his clothes, clean his house and look after his children,” say those attending his marriage ceremony.

This, however, is not only the story of Thapa living in Khajura. One can easily find several men in Nepalese society remarrying within a very short time after the wife’s death. Society justifies such cases under the pretext that it is beyond the capacity of a single men to spend the rest of his life alone.

A crucial question here is: what if a woman dares do the same? Assume a rural woman remarrying. “She will have to face a mountain of criticism from the same society,” said Khadga Sing Kami, former vice-chairman of Khajura Village Development Committee.

Nepal’s law does have provisions of widow remarriage, but even after the passage of such a law a long way back, young widows here are compelled to live the rest of their life in memory of the late husbands. Khadga Singh wanted his son to marry a young widow from a poor family but his wife and daughters (not the son) protested his decision.

“They (his wife and daughters) argued that they never wanted a ‘used’ person as their in-law,” says Khadga Singh. “This way a young lady is forced to live the rest of her life alone. I think, sometimes women themselves become obstacles to women development.” And the worst part is women still possess low self-esteem and regard their spouse as god. And, a widow, irrespective of age, is supposed to lead a sacred and simple life, maintain purity and have patience in remembrance of her late spouse.

“I did not marry because I never thought of violating the society’s norms and values, and perhaps I loved my husband beyond my imagination so I preferred to live alone,” says Binita Aryal (name changed). Born in a high-caste Hindu family in Kathmandu, Aryal married at the very tender age of twelve and became a widow just a year after her marriage. Since then she has been living alone, a sacred life—shunning red and coulourful saris, and jewelry that keep special significance during married life. She then spent a major part of her life with her in-laws and the rest with her parents. She is now in her eighties.

Despite her belief that “husband should be regarded as god with the position like that of a supremo and women should respect and venerate him by heart,” she is not against remarriage if the widow so wishes. “It is very difficult to live the life of a widow; you go depressed when you are criticized, and one has to face other difficulties during sickness or ill-health.”

She is not also against a widow wearing colourful clothes. “There is no harm in wearing according to one’s wish. It is not like in the past; time has changed a lot now. Women are more educated and independent. Society should not exploit them in the name of norms of bygone years,” she asserts. Eighty-two years old Binita’s attitude is praiseworthy, so is the changing pattern in the attitude of many people.

“I don’t feel like re-marrying not because society doesn’t permit me to do so but because I have a one-year-old daughter,” said a woman in Khajura, whose husband, a policeman, was killed by Maoist rebels recently. She wants to raise her daughter as a good human being and that is her only wish now. “This is not easy, but who will guarantee I will have a happy married life once I remarry?”